I know I should not be losing concentration at this peak period.
Compared to people like Kenny and Grace who have less time to study, I should be guilty for wasting my day.
Well, I am stressed up, seriously.
I kept unintentionally pressurizing myself to score for my exams, to pray that the doctor on June 10 will only remove half of my thyroid if not I will be on long term medication, to wish that after June 10 I will not lose any ability to eat, drink, sing, speak like I can now, to hope that I could resign smoothly and find a better job after that, to plead God not to keep giving me hard times etc.
I am afraid. I kept lying to myself and to people that I am not scared but I am, especially when the day draws nearer.
My mum kept emphasizing that one can die but cannot fall sick theory.
And now, my family is thinking of moving to a smaller apartment.
It is not up to me to decide because I am still unable to take over as the sole breadwinner now.
Thinking about being the sole breadwinner makes me thought of what one of my uncle said which worried me.
And if I do move house, I will be sleeping alone. Note my main point, it is not about having my own room, it is about sleeping alone which I have never done before for the past 20 years.
Another bad thing is I have to clear and pack my stuff so as to fit in.
The thought of it already freaks me out! OMG how many days will it take me?! HAHA
The good? More privacy when my guests are here (play mahjong, sleepovers, drink)? I can decorate my room?
Anyway, nothing was finalized yet. Just imagining.